To React and to Expand -- Essential Messages for the House, the Schoolhouse and our Holy House In this season of applications, admissions and explorations, whether they be for summer programs, high schools or colleges, it is a good time to step back and ask ourselves the classic question of what we really want for our children and our students. In his book The Childhood Roots of Adult Happiness, Dr. Edward Hallowell points out that with respect to this question “your reply will almost certainly include one particular word: the simple, even silly-seeming word happy…….oh sure we want them to contribute to the world; care for others and lead responsible lives. But deep down, most of us, more than anything else, want our children to be happy.” And happy children, most often lead to happy, contributing adults. Hallowell points to central ingredients that are most critical for us to help children achieve adult happiness. Two of those elements are optimism and connectedness. Of al
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Intentional Thanks and Wisdom from the Father of the Polio Vaccine It’s almost like the movie Groundhog Day, and “deja vu all over again.” Yes, another year and another opportunity to hear responses to the same assignment for our students. From Nursery through Middle School, mid November is that time--the time for the “What I am Thankful For” essay or bulletin board to come out of the files. And while it may seem repetitive and trite, an insight from this week’s parsha reminds us, once again of why it’s necessary for all of us to articulate and specify the parts of our life for which we must give thanks. In this week’s parsha, Sarah dies and Avraham goes to Kiryat Arba. The Torah tells us: וַתָּ֣מָת שָׂרָ֗ה בְּקִרְיַ֥ת אַרְבַּ֛ע הִ֥וא חֶבְר֖וֹן בְּאֶ֣רֶץ כְּנָ֑עַן וַיָּבֹא֙ אַבְרָהָ֔ם לִסְפֹּ֥ד לְשָׂרָ֖ה וְלִבְכֹּתָֽהּ׃ Sarah died in Kiriath-arba—now Hebron—in the land of Canaan; and Abraham proceeded to mourn for Sarah and to bewail her. (Gen. 23:1) Why does the Torah t
Rainbows, Pittsburgh and Perfect Lessons from KDS Tweens for the Month of Cheshvan As we are now past the holidays, our students have opened up the learning of the book of Breishit and, in many of our classes, our children, with the guidance of their teachers, are leading parsha conversations. Last Monday, I entered the 5th grade conversation about Noach and gained lenses on life and the rainbow that framed much of this past week at KDS. The leader asked, “Should the rainbow be seen as a sign of sadness or a sign of hope? After all, it reminds us of the greatest devastation brought to humanity. But is also is a reminder of the future.” 5th grade students went back and forth about the rainbow, expanding the conversation to discussing challenging places and spaces that can, at once, make them feel sad and also hopeful. And, on Friday, as I sat with our 7th and 8th graders to reflect with them on the first Yahrzeit of the Tree of Life shooting, we discussed a similar question tha
Sweet Prayers to Add for the Year As the days approach Rosh Hashannah, two brachot for all of us: The first is a complement to the Birkat Kohanim , the blessings in our home each week. In addition to this blessing from parents, (a commentary on which can be found here ) feminist author Marcia Falk, asks us, as the blessers, to value who our children are, not to push them into a mold that we might seek for them. הֱיֵה אֲשֶׁר תִּהְיֶה וֶהֱיֵה בָּרוּךְ בַּאֲשֶׁר תִּהְיֶה / הֲיִי אֲשֶׁר תִּהְיִי וַהֲיִי בְּרוּכָה בַּאֲשֶׁר תִּהְי “ Be who you are – and may you be blessed in all that you are.” This is a challenge to all of us. All too often, we want others to be what we want from them. On this Rosh Hashannah and throughout the year, this bracha challenges us to ask God to bless others to be the best them that they can be. The second bracha was written by R Eyal Vered, Head of Kehillat Yachdav in Petach Tikvah It is truly all encompassing and althou
Why are we all so Uncomfortable with Comfort? Giving a Theme of the Season its Proper Due School has arrived. Supplies are being purchased, family routines are getting back in place and the rhythm of the year is ready to start. And comfort is getting a bum rap in school. Yes, comfort. Google the term “comfort zone and education” and you will get a full menu of phrases and school missions that seem to be against the concept of comfort. From “Step out of your comfort zone,” to “Get comfortable being uncomfortable,” to “Your comfort zone is killing your success,” schools around the country, public, private, religious and secular are working hard to have students and faculty move out of the world of comfort and step firmly into a space of discomfort. But the calendar, this time of year, says otherwise. Every year as school begins, we find ourselves somewhere in the middle of a seven week period in the Jews year. As opposed to the more famous counting of the Omer period, this se
The Afternoon Antidote to Our Distracted Lives From the decreasing productivity of the workplace, to bad decisions by drivers leading to tragic accidents, distraction is an issue that challenges each of us and our society each and every day. One need look no further than Google (another place where we get distracted..) to see that there is an entire body of literature all focussed on trying to find solutions to this massive concern. Most of the advice actually boils down to this: In order for us to reach our potential and do “right”, we must learn to focus — to focus on the essential, important tasks from which we are distracted. But while this issue is certainly exacerbated in our digital age, our tradition was keenly aware of this challenge hundreds of years ago. This awareness is articulated in many places, and one such area is in the halakhot of Mincha, one of the tefilot whose basis is found in this week’s Parsha. Bamidbar 28:4 tells us ד אֶת-הַכֶּבֶשׂ אֶחָד, תַּעֲשֶׂה
Blessings of the Archer to the Class of 2019 To the Class of 2019*, Every day as I walked by your classroom, I could always count on something in the air. Whether it was a conversation about literature, math, Hebrew, science, history, or Torah, (or Chinese food, or Axe) the air in Room 108 was pretty much always filled with thought, energy and passion. As you know, just a few days ago, we celebrated Shavuot, the culmination of the counting of the Omer. Perhaps the most famous day of the Omer is Lag BaOmer, a mysterious day on which, among other things, children traditionally play with bows and arrows. Although most of us will never be archers, on Lag BaOmer we are all archers and there is much to learn from the bow and arrow on how to look at life and the decisions we make. Tonight I bless you with the blessing of the bow and arrow. First, when the archer sets a goal, the archer pulls back, giving tension to the bow. As Dena Weiss of Yeshivat Hadar so wisely states, “a
Swimming with Malakhi: Poolside Generational Lessons for Summer and Beyond In Everything in its Place Oliver Sacks’ final work before his passing, the world renowned neurologist and author, opened the book with a section called “First Loves.” His first chapter in this section is called “Water Babies” which describes his lifetime passion for swimming. And as I read it, the calendar was flipping to June. I am not sure if June ever felt like it hit so quickly, but here it is. And while each season has its own special rhythm and signposts, the pool, the lak or the ocean and our swimming has a unique place, yes, even in halakha. The Talmud teaches*, among other things, that a parent is obligated in brit milah, to teach Torah, to teach a trade and help find a mate for children. Some add that parents are also obligated to teach them to swim as well. (וי"א אף להשיטו במים) Out of all of these skills, it seems that swimming is out of place. What makes swimming on par with all
10 to 10 and the Movement from Receiver to Partner
At the end of the Pesach Seder just two weeks ago, we sang the famous Echad Mi Yodea where we recall all of the famous numbers from 1-13 in our tradition.For the number ten, we answer, asarah dibraya, the ten commandments. The aseret hadibrot are the famous “tens” we sing about, However, there is another famous ten that also has to do with words, that is less known but so important. With ten phrases, the entire world was created. The term for God’s spoken words in this Mishna is not dibur, it is, rather, amira. (Avot 5:21) While verbal statements from the Divine characterized each of these two critical moments of God’s chesed, God’s kindness, the Pachad Yitzhak, R. Hutner, picks up on this difference between the choice of phrases that characterize these two events. The gift of the world’s creation through amira was done through the element of chesed, of a type of gifted kindness, known as chesed vitur. This is the type of kindness done without strings attached, one done out of
That City and that People we Call a Rose: Shushan, Shoshan and Moral Living from Purim to Pesach It is one of the low points of the Megillah. In Ch.3:15, Shushan and its Jews are dumbfounded because of the decree of death, וְהָעִ֥יר שׁוּשָׁ֖ן נָבֽוֹכָה . It is at this point in the book where the reader at our communal gatherings reads this verse in the somber tone of Eicha, reminding us of the lowest point of our people at the the destruction of the Temple. Later in the Megillah, (8:15) that same city, Shushan and its Jews are rejoicing at their redemption, וְהָעִ֣יר שׁוּשָׁ֔ן צָהֲלָ֖ה וְשָׂמֵֽחָה. It is at this point where all of the listeners in in our communal gatherings recite the verse in unison out loud to remind us of the city celebration. R. Zevin in his book LTorah vlMoadim focuses on the deep meaning of the name of the town in the Megillah, on the word Shushan. He says that it is a hinting to the word Shoshana, to a rose. It is in that spirit that we sing each P
The Av and the Rav: A Timely and Timeless Lens on the Home/School Partnership With a weekly session with individual students, a biweekly meeting with the parents and a monthly conference with both parents and teachers, I spent the 1995-96 academic year participating in what was then known in the Teaneck Public School District as the Columbia Teaneck Collaboration Project. Created by my advisor at Columbia, this initiative was one where the school social worker, or in my case the social work intern, worked to facilitate a model where each voice in the life of the child contributed to presenting the broadest picture of the student’s daily experience and challenges. This collaborative team strategized and implemented plans for school and life success. The foundation of this approach is no secret. All school professionals know that the partnership of parents and teachers is critical to identifying and maximizing a student’s potential. Each knows a truth about the child that the o
Mishnaic Lessons and the Land Masses: Amos Oz, Rabbi Bechaya and a School Geography Bee This week, here in school we held our annual KDS Geography Bee. Our students awed me as they displayed amazing GPS-like knowledge of the world in which we live. Truth be told, I, as a student, would never succeed in a geography bee. My sense of direction and maps is certainly not my strength to say the least. But as I witnessed these amazing kids, it brought to mind some or the more spiritual lessons I have learned from geographical metaphors that can help to guide our spiritual lives. From the Islands - Both John Donne and Simon and Garfunkel shared the view that no one can live a fulfilled life fully alone. From S and G’s angry, injured subject who strove to be an island who “never cries” to the famous “No man is an island” poem, islands have always symbolized a fierce, but unrealistic independence. It is an independence that waits for or relies on no one. And while it may be a v