Shuvu: Self Reflection on the Holiday of the Birth of our Nation: Prompts for Conversation at the Pesach Seder

One of the prompts I always give my students in our advisory sessions, is “concerned/not concerned.” We go around and gauge ourselves about the things that are both worrisome and things that are not. 

This year, as a Jew I am feeling blessed. I am not sure if anyone had told us that this Pesach that there would be no Gaza war and no hostages left in Gaza, we would have believed it. This is a true peleh and nes, a true wonder and miracle. It is something that when I pause to think about, I am almost in tears. 

And, at the same time, needless to say, there is much to be concerned about. Our brothers and sisters in Israel are under fire, our young people are on the front lines of the IDF fighting and anti semitism continues to rise. Here on the home front, political divisiveness, economic challenge and war cloud our every day. 

So, heading into Pesach this year, I am grateful and also concerned.

The questions are challenging, fascinating, difficult, and uplifting and, in many ways, simply overwhelming. 

So last week on my feed, the song that gave me the most comfort was one that I usually associate with Yom Kippur.  It is called Shuvu, come back.

It is a song taken from Navi where God tells us to come to God and God will come to us. It reminds me of the challenging soul-searching work that all of us have to do. And when we do that work, God promises to meet us halfway. 

This song inspires me each fall to push myself. (You can hear the song here.)

But when it hit my feed last week, while I was tempted to listen intently, I immediately skipped it, telling myself that it should be saved for August or September, the central season of teshuva. 

And then I went to shul on Shabbat. On this spring Shabbat where Pesach, not Yom Kippur is in the air, I noticed that the song, actually is not really a Yom Kippur song, it is mostly a Pesach song as it is found in the Haftarah from Shabbat HaGadol. 

Malakhi 3:7

לְמִימֵ֨י אֲבֹתֵיכֶ֜ם סַרְתֶּ֤ם מֵֽחֻקַּי֙ וְלֹ֣א שְׁמַרְתֶּ֔ם שׁ֤וּבוּ אֵלַי֙ וְאָשׁ֣וּבָה אֲלֵיכֶ֔ם אָמַ֖ר יְהֹוָ֣ה צְבָא֑וֹת וַאֲמַרְתֶּ֖ם בַּמֶּ֥ה נָשֽׁוּב׃

From the very days of your ancestors you have turned away from My laws and have not observed them. Turn back to Me, and I will turn back to you—said GOD of Hosts. But you ask, “How shall we turn back?”

As I am now listening to this song on repeat instead of skip, for me, this year that angle of self improvement and self introspection and teshuva is most resonant as I head into chag. 

WIth this in mind, at the Frank family seder this year, there will be Divrei Torah and prompt questions for everyone focusing on self reflection and improvement–hoping to inspire all of us to share with one another, learn and grow.  

I am sharing them with the hope that they may inspire you or those at your seder with this lens of personal growth and teshuva.

1. Motivations: Love and/or Fear

On Yom Kippur we read the book of Jonah, the prophet who fled God. On Pesach we read Shir HaShirim, the megila of the love poem between God and Am Yisrael. 

Some say that Yom Kippur is about teshuva m’yira (repentance from fear of God) and Pesach is teshuva m’ahava (repentance from love).  

We are all complex beings who are pushed to do good by different motivations. 

Question for introspection: When you are at your best, or when you are striving to do better, what motivates you? Is it love or fear or a little bit of both? What are those fears and what are those loves? 

2. To search or to clean

As we searched for Chametz last night, we had to do so in the darkness with a candle. This is not cleaning. Cleaning is done in broad daylight in order to do it best.

According to Proverbs, a candle is the soul and we have to use that soul to reach our most inner darkness. (20:27 נֵ֣ר יְ֭-ה נִשְׁמַ֣ת אָדָ֑ם חֹ֝פֵ֗שׂ כׇּל־חַדְרֵי־בָֽטֶן׃- The candle of God is the soul of humans, searching our most inner parts.) Chasidic sources tell us that the searching in the darkness is the soul looking for the dark parts of our selves. 

Question for introspection: With respect to our self reflection, what is the difference between cleaning and searching? 

3. Past and Purpose

Pesach is a story of the past. Yet, according to the Living Haggadah, “The past is allowed to live again only for practical goals: to empower us to achieve our purpose in life; and to improve, accomplish more and assist others.” (3a)

Question for introspection: Do you agree with this? In what way does a past story in your life empower you daily toward your goals? 

4. Go and Learn and Bring Your Humblest Self

In a most famous part of the Haggadah, in the introduction to learning, the Hagddah tells us “Go forth and learn”.צא ולמד

Why does it have to tell us that? R. Yosef Yitzhak Shneerson shares that “In order to learn something new and transformative,

You must check our ego at the door. We must go forth from our preset ways of thinking and entrenched attitudes. If we become a fresh canvas, we can achieve genuine growth.

(p.50 Living Hagaddah,) 

Question for introspection: When was a time where you totally let yourself be open to something and it led to growth? Are you naturally good at that or is that challenging for you?

5. The Dangers of Outsourcing

According to the Lubavitcher Rebbe, R. Menachem Mendel Shneerson “When we have the opportunity to help another person who may be in a bad place, spiritually or emotionally. It is important that we engage in this task with our entire being. We cannot outsource this holy mission. Practically this means to pick ourselves up and, if necessary, go to the other side of the world in order to help them get out of their troubles, their Egypt. This is what God did, going alone, not by sending a messenger.

Question for introspection: Share a time when someone directly showed up for you or you felt it important to show up directly for someone else. 

6. The Barriers of Direct “Seeing”

One of the punishments in Egypt was the inability of the Egyptians to engage and see.  During the plague of darkness, we are told, לֹֽא־רָא֞וּ אִ֣ישׁ אֶת־אָחִ֗יו וְלֹא־קָ֛מוּ אִ֥ישׁ מִתַּחְתָּ֖יו שְׁלֹ֣שֶׁת יָמִ֑ים 

People could not see one another, and for three days no one could move about;  (Exodus 10:23) 

Question for introspection: What is the thing that is preventing you from truly seeing others more? 

7. To Hesitate or Not to Hesitate

Matza needs to be made quickly, so it does not become hametz. It illustrates the concept of when a mitzvah comes your way. Don’t let it become humid (act with zerizus)

Questions for introspection: When is hesitation good and when does it hold you back? Give an example when this judgement worked for you and when you should have acted the other way, more carefully or more quickly. (Lifnai “The Power of Speech”)

The central section of the Seder, the maggid, begins by saying, הָא לַחְמָא עַנְיָא -citing the fact that matzah is also called  lechem oni, bread of the poor.

Tehilim 102 tells us that the prayer of the oni is the prayer of the needy. 

We all come to the seder in some ways as the oni. 

All of us come to the seder in need and it is upon all of us to make everyone, all the needy, feel welcome at the table.

כָּל דִצְרִיךְ יֵיתֵי וְיִפְסַח.

All who are in need, let’s join together. This year, let's sit in self reflection and conversation with open ears and open hearts, with curiosity and support.

Let’s have Pesach.

Chag Sameach.