Mishloach Manot: The Mitzvah We May Need Most

Over the years, as technology has taken over our lives, it is good to know that how we observe so many mitzvot hasn’t really changed.  Each year we hear the pure natural sound of the shofar, we shake the lulav and we dance with the Torah. The pure act of so many of our mitzvot gives us comfort, warmth and connection.

But some mitzvot have dramatically changed.  For so many, including myself, mishloach manot looks radically different than what it once was.  I used to bake and assemble and spend Purim in the car and knocking on doors. Yet, over the years, I have admittedly become more tired, more lazy and more reliant on my computer to share the Purim cheer with friends and family through one-click shul, school and community fundraisers.

And I think, in the process, we’ve lost our way with what this mitzvah is supposed to do.  Because at its core, the mitzvah of mishloach manot is for us to share our joy with the people in our neighborhood. 

The mitzvah has its source in the 9th Chapter of Megillat Esther (9:19)

עַל־כֵּ֞ן הַיְּהוּדִ֣ים (הפרוזים) [הַפְּרָזִ֗ים] הַיֹּשְׁבִים֮ בְּעָרֵ֣י הַפְּרָזוֹת֒ עֹשִׂ֗ים אֵ֠ת י֣וֹם אַרְבָּעָ֤ה עָשָׂר֙ לְחֹ֣דֶשׁ אֲדָ֔ר שִׂמְחָ֥ה וּמִשְׁתֶּ֖ה וְי֣וֹם ט֑וֹב וּמִשְׁלֹ֥חַ מָנ֖וֹת אִ֥ישׁ לְרֵעֵֽהוּ׃   

That is why village Jews, who live in unwalled towns, observe the fourteenth day of the month of Adar and make it a day of merrymaking and feasting, and as a holiday and an occasion for sending gifts to one another.

The Shem MiShmuel, Shmuel Bornsztain, the second Sochatchover rebbe, points out that this mitzvah actually corresponds to Haman’s critique of the Jews.  Haman describes our people as follows: 

Megillah 3:8

וַיֹּ֤אמֶר הָמָן֙ לַמֶּ֣לֶךְ אֲחַשְׁוֵר֔וֹשׁ יֶשְׁנ֣וֹ עַם־אֶחָ֗ד מְפֻזָּ֤ר וּמְפֹרָד֙ בֵּ֣ין הָֽעַמִּ֔ים בְּכֹ֖ל מְדִינ֣וֹת מַלְכוּתֶ֑ךָ

“There is a certain people, scattered and dispersed among the other peoples in all the provinces of your realm”  The Daat Mikrah on the verse tells us that the Jews are accused of being separated from one another, scattered and not connected.  

Judith Shulevitz, in her piece “Why Don’t I See you Anymore?” points out that  “It’s a cliché among political philosophers that if you want to create the conditions for tyranny, you sever the bonds…of relationships..and community…” In his evil wisdom Haman knew this well.   With a broken and spread out community, the plot to eradicate the Jews could become a reality. 

And so, it is mishloach manot that is the tikkun, the antidote, to Haman’s accusation.  

Actually encountering and seeing not just your friends, but your neighbors, turns the description of our people’s separation upside down.  The mitzvah makes us united, not separated.  As the Shem MiShmuel states here   משלוח מנות איש לרעהו הוא היפוך מפוזר, “mishloach manot is the opposite of scattering.”

In Pirkei Avot (2:9), R. Yosse and R. Joshua each shares an opinion on the key aspect to living a good life and the importance of friends and neighbors. אָמַר לָהֶם, צְאוּ וּרְאוּ אֵיזוֹהִי דֶרֶךְ יְשָׁרָה שֶׁיִּדְבַּק בָּהּ הָאָדָם. רַבִּי יְהוֹשֻׁעַ אוֹמֵר חָבֵר טוֹב. רַבִּי יוֹסֵי אוֹמֵר, שָׁכֵן טוֹב.  

He [Rabban Yohanan] said unto them: go forth and observe which is the right way to which a man should cleave? Rabbi Joshua said, a good friend; Rabbi Yose said, a good neighbor;

Rabbi Joshua loves the good friend which seems logical, yet, Rabbi Yosse’s identification of the good neighbor is less obvious.  What is the need for a good neighbor when you can have a good friend? Rabbi Lau says that R. Yosse is saying that we always have to be concerned about those who surround us– דאוג לסביבה

The critical importance of the role of neighbor is validated by the most recent psychological research. In Gillian Sanstrom and Elizabeth Dunn’s work, Social Interactions and Well-Being: The Surprising Power of Weak Ties, they write, “The present research tested whether subjective well-being is related not only to interactions with these strong ties but also to interactions with weak social ties (i.e., acquaintances). It highlights the power of weak ties, suggesting that even social interactions with the more peripheral members of our social networks contribute to our well-being.”

This year,  I will challenge myself to leave my laptop and give more mishloach manot around the neighborhood.  And next December I will try to write personal holiday cards to the UPS deliverer, the shopkeeper or the barber and work to keep these lessons in mind.  Truly engaging and “seeing” the other reminds us that it is the loose bonds, not only the strong ones, that contribute to a life of holiness.  

Recognizing our interconnectivity can strengthen and unify our people and our world —  a lesson and a mitzvah we all so desperately need.   

I want to thank my friend and chavruta, Rabbi Ron Muroff for his wisdom and assistance with this piece.