“Sacred FOMO” - Lessons from the Desert for Parents and Educators

Summer is the time where many of us are given the chance to breathe and focus on renewal and rejuvenation— working to get in touch with our truest and best selves.

Yet, in our world of instant pictures and memory sharing, FOMO can sometimes get in the way. Videos, images and posts about what others are doing and experiencing, can sometimes make people feel that their lives are, in some way, lacking.

Fear of missing out, or FOMO, according to the Psychcentral.com, is the “anxiety or apprehension surrounding missing out on things like, social events, gatherings or the latest gossip or news. Experiencing FOMO may make you feel like you aren’t as connected to the latest happenings and norms of society as you would like to be or “should” be.”

Sometimes this FOMO seems silly or vain—but after thinking more about Sefer Bamidbar, the book we just concluded last week, FOMO, if looked at constructively, can be an important muscle for us to flex in striving to connect and reach our potential. 

The stories of the Daughters of Tslofchad and the Pesach Sheni express this dynamic.

The Daughters of Tslafchad: Communal FOMO 

In Bamidbar 27:4, the Daughters of Tslafchad come to Moshe because, due to the fact that there are no male inheritors, they are not given a portion of the land for their family like the rest of Bnei Yisrael.

לָ֣מָּה יִגָּרַ֤ע שֵׁם־אָבִ֨ינוּ֙ מִתֹּ֣וךְ מִשְׁפַּחְתֹּ֔ו כִּ֛י אֵ֥ין לֹ֖ו בֵּ֑ן תְּנָה־לָּ֣נוּ אֲחֻזָּ֔ה בְּתֹ֖וךְ אֲחֵ֥י אָבִֽינוּ׃

They are, in the end, given the chance for that portion by Hashem.

While certainly their desire is, on the surface, about economics and land, R. Ilay Ofran in his book Drushim, shares that their claim to Moshe is about something bigger.  It is from the deep desire to be a part of the clal, the community (p.176-8). They want the chance for their own place among the people, to dwell in and to flourish. 

This fundamental desire is something we see right before our eyes in the world in which we live. Even with the world moving at a pace faster than ever before and with more screens in our pockets, all of us continue to seek more live interactions. Yes, more music is available on the web, but, at the same time, live concerts are more popular than ever. Yes, more books are more accessible on more platforms, but book club participation is soaring. People continue to long for connection because separation can be destructive. 

And, of course, separation from community is, in our tradition, strongly frowned upon. While there are countless examples of this, R. Ofran points out the Rasha (wicked son) on the Seder night as a prime example. The Rasha’s greatest sin is excluding himself from the community. Also, in Avot, Hillel warns us, אַל תִּפְרֹשׁ מִן הַצִּבּוּר, do not separate yourself from the community. (2:4)

The community is, possibly, our highest value as a people. It is our lifeblood. This was the impetus behind the Daughters of Tslafchad’s claim. 

The “Impure” on Pesach: Religious FOMO

In Bamidbar 9:7, those who were tameh, unfit to give the Pesach sacrifice on time, came to Moshe because they felt that their opportunity to serve Hashem had passed them by. They asked Moshe if they could have another chance.

וַ֠יֹּאמְרוּ הָאֲנָשִׁ֤ים הָהֵ֨מָּה֙ אֵלָ֔יו אֲנַ֥חְנוּ טְמֵאִ֖ים לְנֶ֣פֶשׁ אָדָ֑ם לָ֣מָּה נִגָּרַ֗ע לְבִלְתִּ֨י הַקְרִ֜ב אֶת־קׇרְבַּ֤ן יְהוָה֙ בְּמֹ֣עֲדֹ֔ו בְּתֹ֖וךְ בְּנֵ֥י יִשְׂרָאֵֽל

They are, in the end, given another opportunity by Hashem to offer the sacrifice. This is known as Pesach Sheni. 

This case, points out R. Ofran is not primarily about the centrality of community, it is about being given the same chances as everyone else for meaningful religious expression. The tameh people felt a FOMO in their soul – a missing out on a most important opportunity to serve Hashem.

Yes, sometimes FOMO is experienced and the chance passes us by. But sometimes the feeling of FOMO, just like in this case, can inspire people and communities to rethink, reapproach and relook at new ways to express their religious selves— to find new avenues to partake in important opportunities. 

Constructive and Destructive FOMO

It is interesting that in both of these cases, Moshe is approached and then turns to God for help. In many ways, Moshe was asking God to discern whether the FOMO of the people, the feeling of exclusion (both expressed by the root גרע) was constructive and legitimate enough to impact the established plan. 

In both cases, God gives the people that desired chance–showing the Am that, when it comes from a constructive place, FOMO allows us to find ways to be more connected both communally and religiously.

FOMO is a natural feeling that we all encounter at times in very real and deep ways. But, when it comes, it is up to us to search within ourselves or help our children or loved ones, search within themselves to discern if the FOMO is inspired by constructive and productive values. 

Constructive, sacred FOMO, just like the feelings of our ancestors in the desert, can help our neshamot to grow and help us to become the best human beings and the best Jews we can possibly be.