Dancing with Elijah: 

Peace, Parenting and the Dialogue of Generations: 

Lessons, Quotes and Questions for Your Pesach Seder

If one were to think about the central “hero” of the Passover story, Moshe would most certainly come to mind. The man who rose up, saw injustice, led the people and challenged the authority of Pharaoh ushering the people to freedom—Moshe is the obvious choice to star at our Pesach tables.  

Yet, Moshe probably would not win, as it is commonly known that his name is not even found in the Haggadah. So who is the next in line?

To me, the Biblical character that is most fascinating at the Seder is Eliyahu HaNavi, Elijah the Prophet.  Eliyahu is central to introducing Pesach each year in the Haftarah of Shabbat HaGadol and we famously invite him in and sing his song each year toward the end of our Seders.   

And I think it’s Eliyahu’s messages that are what we all need most right now.  

Below are some key lessons on Eliyahu, some brief explanations, and sources and questions for your Seder. 

The focal verse of our conversation is the one we read last Shabbat.  In Malachi 3:23-24 , we are told that Eliayhu will come and return the hearts of parents to children and of children to parents.  

כג) הִנֵּ֤ה אָנֹכִי֙ שֹׁלֵ֣חַ לָכֶ֔ם אֵ֖ת אֵלִיָּ֣ה הַנָּבִ֑יא …..(כד) וְהֵשִׁ֤יב לֵב־אָבוֹת֙ עַל־בָּנִ֔ים וְלֵ֥ב בָּנִ֖ים עַל־אֲבוֹתָ֑ם 

Lessons, Quotes and Questions for our Universal Lens

The Ein Yaakov, a compendium of midrashic material from the Talmud, writes:

ר' שמעון אומר להשוות את המחלוקת וחכמים אומרים …לעשות שלום בעולם

R. Shimon tells us that during this period of Eliyahu’s return, even those holding opposing views will have mutual respect for one another’s ideas.  He will come to make peace in the world. 

Eliyahu, the sages tell us, will come to help with controversy. His coming will lead to a time where we will be stretched to leave our own echo chambers and also will lead to peace in a time where the world is so broken. 

 Questions

What about intergenerational dialogue could lead to more peace in the world?

How might the ways we are broken by controversy be repaired?

Lessons, Quotes and Questions for our Personal Lens

Rashi tells us that the return of the hearts in the verses from Malachi  is about an inner return.  According to him, in those times, we will do teshuva, מל׳ תשובה.   Rashi  may be taking this from a verse previously mentioned in the chapter,  (3:7) שׁ֤וּבוּ אֵלַי֙ וְאָשׁ֣וּבָה אֲלֵיכֶ֔ם , “return to me and I will return to you.”

Eliyahu will help us return–return to our God and also to return to our best essence and to the best we can be. In this way, Eliyah will help us to repent to be the best and most complete people that we can be. 

Questions

How does returning hearts to different generations make us, as individuals, our best selves? 

Can you share an example of a time when you felt more complete in connecting with the older or future generations?

Lessons, Quotes and Questions for our Family Selves I: Elderly and Young

Next month at graduations all across the world, people will say, “Our hopes for the future are in your hands.”  Parker Palmer, philosopher and teacher wisely says, “It’s unfair to lay all responsibility for the future on the younger generation.” (On the Brink of Everything, p. 37)  And he is right.  

This statement of Eliyahu is about each generation talking, learning and literally bearing their hearts to one another.  R. Sadan, in his Haggadah, says that zikna, old age, brings the highest form of wisdom and youth brings a new lens that we cannot duplicate.  

Palmer says  that the key image for the generations is not the baton passing, but the dance that we all have to dance together that will lead to intergenerational harmony and productivity.  As he writes, “It is the dance of the spiraling  in which the old empower the young with their experience and the young empower the old with new life, reweaving the fabric of the human community as they touch and turn.”   (Courage to Teach, p. 26)

Question

What does the image of dance bring to mind that will help bond the generations?

Lessons, Quotes and Questions for our Family Selves II: Parents and Children

Recently, much has been written on the concept of intergenerational divergence, the idea of the dynamic of how parents navigate children who are different and who make different choices than they.  The authority and my rebbe with respect to this concept is Anrew Solomon, whose book Far From the Tree changed my lens on this topic when I first read it in 2009.  

Solomon writes:

 [P]arenthood consists of two activities. It consists of changing your children and it consists of celebrating your children. And you have to change your children. You have to give them an education. You have to give them moral values. You have to convey whatever is most important and meaningful to you, which may be religion or may be sort of intellectual pursuits or whatever it is you have to convey it.

And then you have to also recognize what are the things about your child that are fundamental and that aren’t going to respond to your influence. (You must celebrate that difference) and help your child to feel okay about himself in the ways in which he is different, or she is different from you. And I think that can be terribly, terribly difficult to do.

Parenting needs to hold both of these truths. We have to both change and, at the same time, celebrate our children. This is a tough balance and it is a lifelong art in every area.  

One such area is in the area of spirituality and religion.  Way back in the 12th century, R. Eliezer of Beaugency said that the return of hearts to one another is to have a religious conversation, ללמוד ולשאול חוקי האלוהים.  

And yes, every parent and child needs to have religious conversations, conversations that share the sources of meaning in life.  And each one must be done with this balance of love, sharing, changing and celebrating.  

Question 

Are you willing to share experiences with our generations that have helped shape us and helped us make spiritual sense of the world? 

 .  

Lessons, Quotes and Questions for our 2022 Selves

In the Seder, as we finish the Maggid section, we are told that we will sing a shir chadash, a new song. R. Sadan points out that we have to attend the Seder with renewal, with התחדשות.  Each year we come to the Seder as different people.  It is this התחדשות that keeps the Seder continually vibrant and dynamic.

Questions 

In what ways are you different last year than last?  

How does that influence how you look at the Seder this year?

Wishing everyone a Passover and a Seder of dialogue, dancing, peace and renewal.

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