Autumn Winds and our Essential Selves--The Sparks of Elul

We dog sat this past month.  Yes after going back and forth about getting a pandemic puppy, we went with dog sitting-- a much easier path.   And as I walked the dog the other night, I felt that first Autum wind.  Yes, as Simon and Garfunkel said about August, “the autumn winds grow chilly and cold.”

And this year, Elul, the month of reflection before the Chagim comes early.  So as the hints of fall are emerging, the hints of Rosh HaShana and Yom Kippur are in the air.

I came across an amazing book called Rimzei Elul, the Hints of Elul, by R. Eyal Vered.  This sweet book has become my companion on this year’s journey. Each day, R. Vered gives a 2-3 page reflection on the journey of Elul to share.   

 A few of his lessons…

Celebrate Alone-ness, While Avoiding Loneliness  

Every day in Elul we recite Tehilim 27.  At its end, we say, “כִּֽי־אָבִ֣י וְאִמִּ֣י עֲזָב֑וּנִי ׃ Though my father and mother abandon me...”  

While some sadly have loved ones abandon them, for most of us, our parents, and our loved ones don’t actually abandon us but certainly in the end, we are all alone.  

Each year, it is each of us, alone, who face the questions of how we live our lives and what we do with the gift of time we have. No one else can answer those questions for us.   

Julie Yip Williams writes in her amazing, The Unwinding of a Miracle, “Indeed, each of us as we walk through the journey of our life does so alone.  Sure, there are parents, siblings, cousins, friends, lovers, children, co-workers and many other people who fill our lives, and sometimes their presence and chatter can make us forget that our journey is solely your own to make of as we will….But the truth is that we each enter and leave this life alone, that the experience of birth and death and all the living in between is ultimately a solitary one….All of it is part of my solitary journey, a journey that I embrace wholeheartedly and with as little fear as possible, for I know that through my wanderings I will once again find ….bliss.” (p.43)

And while that is daunting and sometimes scary, we have to realize that we should not fear. The Psalmist writes, וַֽי-ה יַאַסְפֵֽנִי--God will take me in.  On this earth, we are alone, but there are forces beyond us that make us embrace the journey and Guides that we take with us to make the journey one of embracing and meaning.  

Whether we like it or not, the journey is one that we have to see as, at once, solitary and blissful.  

The Intimacy and Freedom of Confession

One of the central moments of the Elul and Yom Kippur experience is the Viduy.  It is there where we beat our chests and confess our actions from the year.  While it is certainly difficult and overly guilt-focussed, R. Eyal sees it as a moment of intimacy.  

Actually confession gives you freedom.  And while it can bring tears and pain, when you share your failings from the year to yourself, it is the moment where you stop lying and connect with your true desires and goals.  This ability to connect to those essential elements is true freedom. 

During Elul we commit to abandoning our deceptions, our sins and our false selves and we work to return to our pure and good essential selves.  And we work to share that self with the Divine and with those people and places to whom we are most intimate and connected. 

What are Our Real Clothes and Truest Selves

We wear so many different clothes and outfits in the lives we live.  What we wear at work, to parties, to synagogue, to vacation or at home--all, in some ways, express our many selves.  Yet, they are just externals.  

On Yom Kippur, the Cohen Gadol takes off his gold and wears white.  Elul demands that we take off the clothes that hide who we are or only partially show who we are and we embrace the simple garb-- to take off the clothes that sometimes distract us and to become our real selves.  

The Talmud (Brakhot 28a) states in the name of Rabban Gamliel that “any student whose inside, his thoughts and feelings, are not like his outside, will not enter the study hall.

כׇּל תַּלְמִיד שֶׁאֵין תּוֹכוֹ כְּבָרוֹ, לֹא יִכָּנֵס לְבֵית הַמִּדְרָשׁ

The true mark of our success and so much of our work in Elul is to work on our true essence and have our “clothings”--what others see on the outside, truly reflect our best inner selves. 

The closer we get to consistency in our inner and outer selves, the closer we will be to being able to have a positive approach to the challenges that come our way. 

Wishing everyone an Elul and August of reflection and of prioritizing the important things in life -- our connections to others, to God and to our truest selves.